Barry Jacobs, PsyD, has counselled many in the emotionally straining situation of moving elderly parents. He understands how difficult it is to convince an aging parent to move to a nursing home in West Sussex and quotes the same in his book – The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers. In his book he writes, “Most of us are more likely to change our position and lifestyle if such a transformation is of our own choosing.” So, what do we do when parents refuse, regardless of the many excellent assisted living programs by the government? “The child needs to back off for the time being,” counsels Dr Jacobs. However, he does not advise giving up, he adds saying, “seek other openings to raise the issue again.”
Strategies to Convince Them
Before pushing and pressuring them to accept help and move to a nursing home like Ashton Grange Nursing Home in Horsham, you first need to understand their fears about getting old. It is even more so in the case of parents who suffer from early stages of cognitive impairment. Tackling many experience in life, makes them think that they can handle any situation, even their old age eccentricities.
Start Conversations Early and Start Slow
Starting relaxed conversations about old age care giving long before the dependability sets in, helps reduce the stress and the emotional weight. Ask questions like, “Would you see yourself in a nursing homes in West Sussex, when you get older?” If their condition has already set in, ask considerate questions initially, “Do you think you can manage on your own?” such questions will help them arrive on a care option on their own, which is always better.
Probe Slowly, but Deeply
You need to understand why they refuse help, only then will you be able to address the issue and tailor a suitable solution. For instance your parents might refuse a housekeeper due to many reasons like – lack of privacy, cost of housekeeper, becoming dependant or they might simply have reservations about having a stranger at home. In such situation it is important to act empathetically and validate their fears, rather than trivialising their views.
Sometimes it is better to have them talk to a professional or an outsider rather than a family member. So, it is always a good idea to involve a psychologist, doctor, nurse or even a friend of theirs to suggest that they need help. You can recommend that they put forth the idea of Sussex nursing homes as well.
If one of your parents has dementia, sometimes offering minimum information is always better and more effective since it might make them feel less threatened. If you decide to hire help, simply explain that such a person is here to accompany them on walks or help them fix meals. Even while moving them to a dementia nursing home in Horsham, never tell them all the reasons for it, this will just scare them. You can simply say that such a place has better facilities and they will no longer feel alone.
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Being Convincing Yet Kind
It is important to be convincing yet kind. Do not belittle their decisions or choices, rather try and understand their fears first and suggest solutions that are best for them. If your parents refuse help from a nursing home in West Sussex, then you must show them the steps you have taken in understanding the condition and addressing it fairly. This will make them more comfortable while communicating with you about their needs. Remember they are still your parents no matter what age they might be! So, talk to them with utmost respect and empathy.
Finally, take all decisions together as a family. In spite of all the efforts if nothing seems to work out, then perhaps it’s time to seek professional help such as psychiatrists who specialize in elder patients.