Yesterday I discovered that a gum nut is the perfect fit for a two year old’s nostril. Princess Toddler has recently discovered the joys of bodily orifices, in particular the nose. Since finding out about this hole she has spent many joyful hours sticking her finger up one nostril, or two nostrils, or both. It stands to reason then that she came up to me late in the afternoon and said, with a huge degree of pride in her effort, Gum nut up ‘a nose Mum.
But she was soon to discover, as was I, that sticking a gum nut up your nose is not a pleasant experience. As I stared up her tiny nose the gum nut was clearly visible. Thinking it would be easy to eject, and thankful that my fingernails hadn’t gone the chop yet, I stuck my finger up her nose and tried to flick it out. But as it turned out a gum nut up the nose makes a very firm and snug fit inside a young nostril. Not beaten by this gum nut yet, I tried my little finger. No movement. I tried getting her to blow her nose like she does into a tissue but instead Princess Toddler sniffed and only made the gum nut become more firmly wedged up there.
My Very Last Resort
Okay, last resort. I grabbed a pair of tweezers from the bathroom cabinet and gave that a go. Well, this was a halfhearted effort at best because tweezers, though they may appear pretty small, don’t actually fit up a toddler’s nose. One final go at sticking one side of the tweezers up there resulted in a bit of blood, a bit of screaming and a gum nut a bit further up the nose. There was only one thing for it.
It was off to the doctor’s after a brief phone conversation where I said, Hello, my daughter has a gum nut stuck up her nose. Can I come in? The quick response was, Yes, we’re going to have to fit her in. Come down. Princess Toddler was very pleased to be heading off to the doctor’s and her cries quickly abated (thanks to a well thought out kid’s playroom at the medical centre.)
“It’s a gum nut actually”
We walked into the centre and the nurse said, Is this the pea? I replied, Yes, and it’s a gum nut actually. At which point a teenage boy cracked up in rapturous laughter and loudly exclaimed to his father that my daughter has a gum nut stuck up her nose. After various outcries of laughter and a few stares I made my way gingerly to the waiting area. I tried desperately to concentrate on reading my daughter a story -as though bringing your child to the doctor’s to have a gum nut extracted is the most common thing in the world. It didn’t help though that every few minutes she would cry out, Have gum nut up ‘a nose. Thanks for the reminder to everyone seated in the busy room. Can a hole in the ground now open up and swallow me whole?
After a painful 20 minute wait (for me, not her – Princess Toddler was quite content to play with the gum nut up her nose), the doctor called us in. There was no greeting, instead the doctor just looked at us as though we were completely mad until I just blurted out, She has a gum nut stuck up her nose. The non-animated reaction was, Which one? Thankfully, I had already rehearsed in my mind that it was Up her left one. At which point he told me to seat my daughter on the table and disappeared into another room. Trying to act casually I pointed out to Princess Toddler the various sea creatures on the patterned sheet she sat upon.
A few minutes later the doctor reappeared with a long, silver implement that had a small ball on one end. He asked me to lay my daughter down and shone a bright light in her eyes. Great, my daughter hates bright lights – sunshine and fluorescent lighting have her reaching for a pair of sunglasses. This was enough to bring on a fit of crying without the implement coming anywhere near her. Thankfully, the nurse appeared just as I was trying to calm her down.
The doctor instructed the nurse to hold down her arms and told me to hold her tightly across the knees. It seemed a cruel, barbaric technique – like chopping off an arm without anesthetic and telling someone to bite down on a piece of wood. Okay, it wasn’t that bad but to my daughter it certainly was and I admit I was pathetically teary over the whole ordeal. But this doctor was an expert on gum nut removal and a few seconds later out it came. Through her sobs I hear the doctor utter something about how you have to be quick with this type of procedure so holding her down like that was necessary. And that he’s had a few of those gum nuts up the nose.
While giving my daughter a hug to try and calm her down, the doctor looked over at us and asked with a small smile if she was too young for jellybeans. At that point, I wasn’t concerned about the virtues or vices of eating lollies—I just wanted to see her smile again. “She’d like that,” I replied softly. Without hesitation, he reached into his pocket and handed her two jellybeans, her eyes lighting up just a little through the tears. As it turned out, the nurse was just as thoughtful and came over with her own box of jellybeans, offering a couple more to my daughter with a warm smile.
The nurse then turned to the doctor and playfully asked if there was an item number for handing out jellybeans. He didn’t crack even the tiniest smile when she quipped, “Okay, item for gum nut up the nose.” The mood felt lighter, though, and a few more jokes were passed back and forth about the strange things kids find to stick up their nostrils. I tried to join in with a half-serious comment about hoping this little ordeal would discourage her from putting anything else up her nose again. The doctor gave me a knowing nod, the kind that comes from dealing with a hundred similar incidents but recognizing that every parent has their own unique moment of exasperation.
As we finally headed out the door, my daughter clutched her four jellybeans tightly in her small hands, her grip firm and protective, as though they were the greatest treasures in the world. I carried her in my arms, relieved the situation was over but still feeling the weight of the day. As we walked toward the car, I couldn’t help but think about the red wine waiting at home—my own small comfort after a long, unexpected adventure at the doctor’s office.