Pregnancy Q & A: Humour … a parent’s best friend

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxer shorts rather than briefs?
A: Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

Q: My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A: The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.

Q: My husband and I are very attractive. I’m sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A: Your therapist.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: My blood type is O-positive and my husband’s is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A: Then the game is up.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes university.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q: Ever since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A: Depends on what you’re doing with them.

Q: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Because you’re fatter than they are.

Q: Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?

A: No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s almost irrational.
A: So what’s your question, goatface?

Source: Biddulph, Steve & Shaaron (2000), Love, Laughter and Parenting: The Precious Years from Birth to Six, Dorling Kindersley Ltd, London,