Sahail AshrafOnly Children: Does Only Mean Lonely?
July 4th 2007 10:21
On ABC radio on Saturday a piece was run on only children. It led me to wonder why there is so much focus on only children, as though it’s some disease or at the very least a serious disadvantage in life.
The term itself has negative connotations. I ‘only’ got one piece of pizza. If ‘only’ I had bought that house before the housing market boomed. The ‘only’ time I get to go to the movies is when the kids are with Mum.
Then there’s the aspect of the term ‘only’ that is synonymous with the word ‘lonely.’ Besides the rhyming of the two, that idea of only implies a sense of missing out and of being alone.
Then the third aspect of the term ‘only’ is where we downplay our own being. Haven’t many of us, when we enter a room unannounced said, ‘Don’t worry, it’s only me.’ My daughter even has a book that’s entitled ‘It’s only me.’ In the story various animals make a noise but respond with the line, ‘It’s only me.’
Yes, ‘only’ is the obvious description because it stems from the word one. But far more than this, it is associated with loneliness, isolation, insecurity, boredom, and exclusion.
What are your perceptions? Do you think of only children as lonely? Or indeed did you feel lonely as an only child? Is there a reason why the word is used and why it’s such a common topic of discussion?
In both the wider media and a community sense I have heard very little of the positive aspects of ‘only children.’ Are there any out there?
The term itself has negative connotations. I ‘only’ got one piece of pizza. If ‘only’ I had bought that house before the housing market boomed. The ‘only’ time I get to go to the movies is when the kids are with Mum.
Then there’s the aspect of the term ‘only’ that is synonymous with the word ‘lonely.’ Besides the rhyming of the two, that idea of only implies a sense of missing out and of being alone.
Then the third aspect of the term ‘only’ is where we downplay our own being. Haven’t many of us, when we enter a room unannounced said, ‘Don’t worry, it’s only me.’ My daughter even has a book that’s entitled ‘It’s only me.’ In the story various animals make a noise but respond with the line, ‘It’s only me.’
Yes, ‘only’ is the obvious description because it stems from the word one. But far more than this, it is associated with loneliness, isolation, insecurity, boredom, and exclusion.
What are your perceptions? Do you think of only children as lonely? Or indeed did you feel lonely as an only child? Is there a reason why the word is used and why it’s such a common topic of discussion?
In both the wider media and a community sense I have heard very little of the positive aspects of ‘only children.’ Are there any out there?
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Comment by Anonymous
I must admit that I hate the term 'only me' and I will correct my daughter every time she uses it. It does have connotations of not being good enough or big enough or not something enough and no-one should be taught that from such an early age.
As to 'only' children, no I'm not ... I have an older brother ... but I think that the term 'only child' does have a bad reputation. So many so-called experts have decided that having just one child is a bad thing.
That's just crap.
Like everything else it depends upon the family involved.
No ... an only child need not be a lonely child.
A xx
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Look at that ... I start talking about being lonely and my comment comes up as anonymous.
That was me!
Comment by Candice
Hee, hee! That's weird.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's interesting that one of the callers in the report rang in and said that her child was shy because he was an only child - it could just as easily been biological, because shyness is a genetic trait.
This report actually had positive findings about only children. That's what made me question whether all these negative media reports and social reports are accurate or not.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I think 'only' children tend to like their own company...even if it is out of necessity..but hardly a downside.
Also I think people misconstrue lonely with being bored.
My daughter's best friend is an only child. She's not lonely...but she does get bored....that's probably where the need to like your own company comes in.
Michael Grose says that only children tend to be high achievers...higher than first borns.
Also, he noted that only children to tend to want to have large families when they grow up and become parents.
There's not right or wrong here. I have 3 children and I constantly get told that one is always going to feel left out. 3 is a horrible number apparently.
I think it comes down to the family life parents provide.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Candice
Yes, I've heard that stat before about only children, and that they tend to become leaders more often (Grose's offices are in the town where I live BTW - I only realised the other day when he was in the local paper and I remember you referring to him from time to time).
Don't people just love to pass judgement? I wouldn't worry about the 3 children though. My mum had two brothers and the three of them were the best of friends, with no one feeling excluded.
I think all that stuff comes down to individual personalities. And how can you really decide that any child's feelings were a result of their number of siblings, or indeed whether they had any siblings at all?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
The way we use our words is so important isn`t it? Although I am not an only child there is a big age gap between my next sibling and I, so I spent my childhood as an only child. I don`t see anything wrong with it really, in fact I think it led to me having an overactive imagination which probably hasn`t left my side to this day.
I also think it helped set my independence - I never had another sibling to hold my hand or rescue me if anything went wrong.
Although there are advantages and disadvantages I don`t really think it is ALL bad being an only child... I wonder how different itw ould have been growing up in a house FULL of kids?
ash
Comment by Candice
It's interesting the way words can make us view things in a certain light.
I'm sure there's good and bad sides to being the 'only' child, or having one sibling, or many.
Nice to hear your thoughts on it.