Sahail AshrafMontessori – My Big Disappointment
October 13th 2007 00:45
I’ve posted recently about how wonderful I think the Montessori system of learning is – the caring, considered approach to helping children learn to become independent and confident young people.
Well, this week my daughter took her first step into the Montessori classroom and what an awful shock I received. I looked at the school six months ago. The woman I will call ‘P’ was helpful, encouraging and seemed very genuine in her approach. She spent almost an hour talking about the school and showed great enthusiasm for the teaching approach and children.
It was almost as though I had stepped into a different place when we arrived on Friday afternoon for my daughter’s first session. Thankfully, the Montessori philosophy encourages parents to remain with their child for the first week or two so I was aware of exactly what went on.
Being the kind of conscientious, over prepared person I am, I arrived 10 minutes early for our first class, thinking it would correct etiquette for handing in our enrolment form and paying term fees. When I arrived I was met by P, who had always been so polite and helpful, in person and on the phone. But instead of being warmly greeted I was told by P that they only have a 45 minute break between sessions and this was there lunch break. My daughter and I were left in the foyer to ‘wait.’
Well, my daughter was extremely displeased at not being able to get started and head into the classroom. I took her out for a walk and we looked at the scrappy flowers around the garden, while I collected my own thoughts after this unexpectedly cold reception.
Eventually, once she had finished her lunch P took us up to the classroom. She explained my daughter could select a toy of her choice from the shelves. She went fine with her first activity and we placed it back on the shelf when she’d finished with it. The next one she chose was a large and cumbersome tray containing two glass bowls and beads. She was nervous about handling the large item so I helped her carry it. Well, I was told in no uncertain terms that she had to ‘do it herself.’
Next, my daughter chose a rather difficult activity that involved fine motor skills. With a pair of tweezers she had to pick up tiny beads and put them into the holes. She struggled with this activity and asked P to help her. P kept insisting she could do it herself and my daughter became more and more frustrated by the task (so much for the Montessori philosophy that children shouldn’t be expected to do a task they can’t easily manage themselves.) As soon as P moved off I encouraged my daughter to put them away.
P soon came back to sit on the opposite side of the table to where my daughter and I were working. Not having introduced herself or even spoken to my daughter directly she said, gesturing to P “what that one doing Mum?” I said, “That’s P….” P responded by abruptly saying that her name was P…. It took a lot to bite my tongue and not say, “Well, if you’d introduced yourself to her she would have known your name.”
Then there was the attitude towards the other children. The other Montessori directress named “M” also failed to introduce herself to my daughter and didn’t seem to interact with the children at all. One little girl cried as her mother quickly slipped out of the classroom. M took the little girl who had just been left by the hand and abruptly told her “there’s nothing to cry about.”
P and M quickly engaged in complaints about the behaviour of one of the boys there. Something like “it’s going to be a fun day with …” and a roll of the eyes about covers it. He was repeatedly reprimanded for refusing to engage in the activity he’d selected and was told that if he didn’t put it back on the shelf he couldn’t have any more toys. As it turned out, the boy’s mum explained he’d been very unwell and had a seizure the previous week. Mind you P and M spoke much more politely to the mother about her son’s behaviour than they had to each other.
Story time was like going to a funeral. The children were all expected to remain completely still and quiet while M read in a monotone voice. One boy’s enthusiasm over the story as he pointed at the pictures was quickly thwarted with a couple of pushes of his hand away from the book. My daughter was told to ‘shhh’ when she made a comment.
In Montessori style the children are encouraged to wash their own hands. After my daughter finished a pasting, I took her to wash her hands. As P had shown me she was able to do it all herself, which was wonderful. However, before fruit time all the children had to wash their hands first. That seemed reasonable and they all took turns. M began to get impatient pretty quickly though and began ‘moving them along.’ When it was still taking longer than she liked she started literally grabbing the children’s hands and roughly washed their hands herself. Just as my daughter had discovered she could wash her hands herself she was roughly handled and the washing was ‘done to her.’
On the way to the table for fruit, I noticed another child took my daughter’s pasting without her permission and was waving it around. As M and P made no attempt to sort this out I took the pasting from the child myself and my daughter and I hung it up to dry.
Harder to explain was the lack of warmth and caring that I would have expected in a Montessori setting. There was no laughter, chatter or interaction with the children. My daughter was not listened to or acknowledged. Being a very sociable girl, particularly with other adults, I noticed her dismay at being pretty much ignored and certainly not engaged with. My spirited daughter had entered the room with her joy and enthusiasm to be met with children who were engaged in isolated, structured activities. Yes, they were behaving beautifully but where was the light and joy? Where was the social interaction and enjoyment? Where was the ability for children to express themselves and feel happy?
To top it all off we left with the distinct smell of an unchanged pooey nappy. Oh, and I finally got to hand in my forms that P had forgotten all about. I know that not all Montessori school are like this as my niece had a wonderful experience under this system of learning, and it’s certainly not anything like what the approach promotes. Right now, I’m just feeling extremely disappointed and unsure of what to do from here. I guess I’ve just entered the world of having to accept, or reject, my daughter entering the world without me.
Well, this week my daughter took her first step into the Montessori classroom and what an awful shock I received. I looked at the school six months ago. The woman I will call ‘P’ was helpful, encouraging and seemed very genuine in her approach. She spent almost an hour talking about the school and showed great enthusiasm for the teaching approach and children.
It was almost as though I had stepped into a different place when we arrived on Friday afternoon for my daughter’s first session. Thankfully, the Montessori philosophy encourages parents to remain with their child for the first week or two so I was aware of exactly what went on.
Being the kind of conscientious, over prepared person I am, I arrived 10 minutes early for our first class, thinking it would correct etiquette for handing in our enrolment form and paying term fees. When I arrived I was met by P, who had always been so polite and helpful, in person and on the phone. But instead of being warmly greeted I was told by P that they only have a 45 minute break between sessions and this was there lunch break. My daughter and I were left in the foyer to ‘wait.’
Well, my daughter was extremely displeased at not being able to get started and head into the classroom. I took her out for a walk and we looked at the scrappy flowers around the garden, while I collected my own thoughts after this unexpectedly cold reception.
Eventually, once she had finished her lunch P took us up to the classroom. She explained my daughter could select a toy of her choice from the shelves. She went fine with her first activity and we placed it back on the shelf when she’d finished with it. The next one she chose was a large and cumbersome tray containing two glass bowls and beads. She was nervous about handling the large item so I helped her carry it. Well, I was told in no uncertain terms that she had to ‘do it herself.’
Next, my daughter chose a rather difficult activity that involved fine motor skills. With a pair of tweezers she had to pick up tiny beads and put them into the holes. She struggled with this activity and asked P to help her. P kept insisting she could do it herself and my daughter became more and more frustrated by the task (so much for the Montessori philosophy that children shouldn’t be expected to do a task they can’t easily manage themselves.) As soon as P moved off I encouraged my daughter to put them away.
P soon came back to sit on the opposite side of the table to where my daughter and I were working. Not having introduced herself or even spoken to my daughter directly she said, gesturing to P “what that one doing Mum?” I said, “That’s P….” P responded by abruptly saying that her name was P…. It took a lot to bite my tongue and not say, “Well, if you’d introduced yourself to her she would have known your name.”
Then there was the attitude towards the other children. The other Montessori directress named “M” also failed to introduce herself to my daughter and didn’t seem to interact with the children at all. One little girl cried as her mother quickly slipped out of the classroom. M took the little girl who had just been left by the hand and abruptly told her “there’s nothing to cry about.”
P and M quickly engaged in complaints about the behaviour of one of the boys there. Something like “it’s going to be a fun day with …” and a roll of the eyes about covers it. He was repeatedly reprimanded for refusing to engage in the activity he’d selected and was told that if he didn’t put it back on the shelf he couldn’t have any more toys. As it turned out, the boy’s mum explained he’d been very unwell and had a seizure the previous week. Mind you P and M spoke much more politely to the mother about her son’s behaviour than they had to each other.
Story time was like going to a funeral. The children were all expected to remain completely still and quiet while M read in a monotone voice. One boy’s enthusiasm over the story as he pointed at the pictures was quickly thwarted with a couple of pushes of his hand away from the book. My daughter was told to ‘shhh’ when she made a comment.
In Montessori style the children are encouraged to wash their own hands. After my daughter finished a pasting, I took her to wash her hands. As P had shown me she was able to do it all herself, which was wonderful. However, before fruit time all the children had to wash their hands first. That seemed reasonable and they all took turns. M began to get impatient pretty quickly though and began ‘moving them along.’ When it was still taking longer than she liked she started literally grabbing the children’s hands and roughly washed their hands herself. Just as my daughter had discovered she could wash her hands herself she was roughly handled and the washing was ‘done to her.’
On the way to the table for fruit, I noticed another child took my daughter’s pasting without her permission and was waving it around. As M and P made no attempt to sort this out I took the pasting from the child myself and my daughter and I hung it up to dry.
Harder to explain was the lack of warmth and caring that I would have expected in a Montessori setting. There was no laughter, chatter or interaction with the children. My daughter was not listened to or acknowledged. Being a very sociable girl, particularly with other adults, I noticed her dismay at being pretty much ignored and certainly not engaged with. My spirited daughter had entered the room with her joy and enthusiasm to be met with children who were engaged in isolated, structured activities. Yes, they were behaving beautifully but where was the light and joy? Where was the social interaction and enjoyment? Where was the ability for children to express themselves and feel happy?
To top it all off we left with the distinct smell of an unchanged pooey nappy. Oh, and I finally got to hand in my forms that P had forgotten all about. I know that not all Montessori school are like this as my niece had a wonderful experience under this system of learning, and it’s certainly not anything like what the approach promotes. Right now, I’m just feeling extremely disappointed and unsure of what to do from here. I guess I’ve just entered the world of having to accept, or reject, my daughter entering the world without me.
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Comment by Louie
randomthoughts
Phil's Wellness Tips
Comment by Brenton
Dr Spin
Tales From The Other Side
Blip Blog
Gadget Museum
Some days it's like an ad for vitamins (clouds and puppies)
Sometimes what should work is missing a few of the right elements - some times short term sometimes long term.
I hope things go well because i do have faith in the Montessouri philosophy.
Of course, philosophies are never serperated from the people who practivce them, hence the complicated universe in which we interact.
Comment by Mitchell Hooter
LadyDiazepam
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I am so sorry to read your story. Heartfelt sympathies...those fine motor tests just infuriate me so much. To me, they always seem like the institution itself - no matter how harmonious - is sizing up "grist for the future worksforce mill..." Always aiming at someone elses yardstick ideal of perfection... Phooey!
I won't go on, you already know my take on all schooling systems, through my decisions for home schooling posts... you know I would strongly advise you to look at home schooling options if you are financial enough to be able to stay home and teach her yourself...you'll all be happier, believe me.
I would get her out of there as quickly as you can can say, 'not quite right ' .. .or better still, try another Montessori further up the road, they may have got the philosophy working up there... this lot sure haven't and Mrs P sounds like she needs I good dusting off. I wouldn't have held my tongue like you, that's for sure. This is such a terribly sad story...
My prayers are with you for a speedy resolution Candice.
Lilla ...
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
My friend sends her daughters to Montessori and one thing the children have to do when they arrive is say hello to the teacher and the teacher says hello back.
And she also says that they are very big on the children "doing it themselves".
She has one daughter who went through preschool and is now in Kindergarten but has decided that next year she will put her daughter in a 'regular" school for Year 1.
Her second daughter goes to the preschool program in Montessori.
My friend is happy with the preschool program but is unsure of the primary program.
Good luck Candice. I think we need to remember that preschool is meant to be fun.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Candice
I completely agree with your comment. I just drafted up my letter of withdrawal from the program, now I've had my chance to 'vent' on my blog site.
There's no way I'm sending my daughter back there. Once I've had time to calm down I might look at the others in the area - there are two more near me. I know my niece had a wonderful time at Montessori and was certainly treated warmly by the directress there (unfortunately she's now retired).
Thanks for dropping by.
Comment by Candice
I think that sums it up very well. All the right 'stuff' was there but the people running it certainly weren't in tune with the Montessori ideals.
The bomb definitely hit on Friday - and it came out of nowhere. I think getting over the shock of the way the directresses acted towards the children will take a bit.
I still believe in the Montessori philosophy and will still try and apply it at home until I decide where to go from here.
Thanks for your input.
Comment by Candice
I could imagine my daughter not turning out so happy and well adjusted if she was treated the way these women treated kids the other day.
That said, I really do believe the Montessori philosophy is a wonderful one. My niece went to the pre-school and she's extremely bright - top of her class in most areas and the most popular kid in her class.
Montessori is lovely in theory and I try to apply those principles of respecting children and enabling them to become independent, confident people at home.
Just definitely not at this place I wrote about!
Comment by Candice
Thanks for your warm thoughts. I was a huge disappointment to me when I'd been keen on the idea from the moment my daughter was born.
I didn't like the idea of the 'regular' education system either, that's why I felt Montessori would be a better approach. It still could be - maybe I just have to find the right one. Then again I've now got concerns that children's spirits and social interactions are a bit quashed under this philosophy.
You know, home schooling might even look like a good option down the track. I'd love to hear more on how you're going with it all. Have you posted on it recently? I haven't been on much lately - too busy!
Anyway, with my writing taking off and my hubby studying primary teaching home schooling wouldn't be out of the question for us. For now, I think I'll stick to our mad playgroup where my daughter can run around and dance and sing until her heart's content.
How are you going with your field guide?
Comment by Candice
I think that was the main issue I had with this place. It was so lifeless.
The one your friend sends her daughters to is how it's supposed to be, and how I expected it to be for my daughter. It's certainly how it was for my niece, they used to do a special greeting at the beginning of the session too and she was very happy there.
I guess it's back to the drawing board, but I think I'll let it go until next year at least.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
No goood. I still haven't heard a word. So I re-sent her last reply with an added note, something about self-publishing 300 for the courses and whether that would affect any possible contracts we may draw up later... I sent it two days ago and am waiting for her response.
I have posted two posts about home schooling, the second about when the packaging arrived, but will continue to talk about the experiences as I go, now it all seems so easy and simple and so much peace and harmony has returned to our home, that I am overjoyed.
Lotsa luv
Lilla ...
Comment by Candice
I hope you hear back from the publisher soon. Sounds like a good thing to go ahead with the self-publishing in the meantime when you've got courses coming up.
I'll check out your home schooling posts. I'm glad to hear it's turned out to be a positive decision for you.