Sahail AshrafFEELING GUILTY – SHE HAD CAKE!
February 22nd 2007 02:55
From the moment my daughter was on solids I was determined she would be provided with a healthy, well balanced diet. While there were many mums out there giving their babies cakes, biscuits and chips I would only offer my baby fruit, veggies, meats, yoghurt, breads, cheese etc. Over time, I gradually introduced a bit of margarine and some of the dry biscuits. I sometimes wondered if I should even be doing this but still felt pretty good about the diet my daughter was receiving. Strangers, family and friends often tried to hand her a sweet biscuit, chocolate or lolly but I was very proud of myself for refusing the offers. My daughter never asked for any of those things, in fact she seemed completely uninterested in them, and I thought it was great she ate so well.
My ultimate goal was that she wouldn’t know about cake until she was two, but alas, at twenty two months of age I caved in. I didn’t make the grade. Today we went to the library for story time. Today was a special occasion at the library. A new parenting collection was being launched, complete with morning tea and a talk by a prominent children’s illustrator. Princess Toddler had a wonderful time listening to ‘Five Little Ducks’, copying the movements from the story read to her and making her own ‘baby in a bath.’ Then the librarian announced the Humpty Dumpty cake would be cut up for the kids.
Princess Toddler and I selected a few books to borrow and then headed for the front counter. I thought that as usual she was oblivious to the sugary foods on offer. But today was different. Today she said ‘cake,’ ‘cake.’ I ignored it at first. Then she said it again as one child beside her munched away on her tasty morsel. I said, ‘yes, cake’ and we borrowed the books. But on the third expression of ‘cake, cake’ I realized I had to make THE DECISION. Do I deprive her of the cake and make sugary foods a sought after forbidden fruit? Or do I give her some cake and get her taste buds craving sugary foods over healthier options?
Well, I decided on the first option. I went back inside, took a piece of cake, and guiltily handed it to her. I watched as she enjoyed scoffing the entire piece, icing and all. As a final attempt at redemption I then gave her a strawberry from the adults’ fruit platter. But it was cold comfort. It felt like my first real failure to be the parent I want to be. Have I caved in to societal pressure? Will my daughter crave sugary food from now on? Will she be demanding lollies at the supermarket checkout instead of asking for a piece of bread? Am I setting up for future poor eating habits so many of us follow today? Should I have handled it differently? All these thoughts run through my mind. But I’m hanging on to the hope that it was a good sign she asked for another strawberry, instead of more cake, as we left the library. I guess only time will tell now.
My ultimate goal was that she wouldn’t know about cake until she was two, but alas, at twenty two months of age I caved in. I didn’t make the grade. Today we went to the library for story time. Today was a special occasion at the library. A new parenting collection was being launched, complete with morning tea and a talk by a prominent children’s illustrator. Princess Toddler had a wonderful time listening to ‘Five Little Ducks’, copying the movements from the story read to her and making her own ‘baby in a bath.’ Then the librarian announced the Humpty Dumpty cake would be cut up for the kids.
Princess Toddler and I selected a few books to borrow and then headed for the front counter. I thought that as usual she was oblivious to the sugary foods on offer. But today was different. Today she said ‘cake,’ ‘cake.’ I ignored it at first. Then she said it again as one child beside her munched away on her tasty morsel. I said, ‘yes, cake’ and we borrowed the books. But on the third expression of ‘cake, cake’ I realized I had to make THE DECISION. Do I deprive her of the cake and make sugary foods a sought after forbidden fruit? Or do I give her some cake and get her taste buds craving sugary foods over healthier options?
Well, I decided on the first option. I went back inside, took a piece of cake, and guiltily handed it to her. I watched as she enjoyed scoffing the entire piece, icing and all. As a final attempt at redemption I then gave her a strawberry from the adults’ fruit platter. But it was cold comfort. It felt like my first real failure to be the parent I want to be. Have I caved in to societal pressure? Will my daughter crave sugary food from now on? Will she be demanding lollies at the supermarket checkout instead of asking for a piece of bread? Am I setting up for future poor eating habits so many of us follow today? Should I have handled it differently? All these thoughts run through my mind. But I’m hanging on to the hope that it was a good sign she asked for another strawberry, instead of more cake, as we left the library. I guess only time will tell now.
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Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
It is a difficult question, isn't it.
I believe that avoiding all sugary, unhealthy foods is just not possible and that if you make a big deal over children eating such foods then they will begin to wonder what all the fuss is about. This could result in them eventually eating more of them than they would have otherwise.
The best thing to do is to allow little 'treats' of sugary foods every-so-often and, like you did, try to incorporate something healthy into the 'treat' as well, like the strawberries.
I managed to stop my daughter from drinking fizzy soft drinks until she went to her first birthday party a couple of years ago. In this case it worked and she still prefers to drink water, milk and juice than fizzies or cordials. We never buy them so she doesn't miss them. If she asks me to get a bottle of fizzy I'll get a diet version rather than the sugary one.
I hope you manage to find a 'happy medium' with this issue. And don't feel guilty ... cake is all part of the growing experience too!!
A.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
This is a great post, and let me give you some evidence. As a kid, I was spoiled rotten - cake, lollis you name it I got it. Yes, I was huge, yo yoing between 85 and 95kg most of my life. There were other factors, like never encouraged to exercise due to illness. However, I am now a strong, muscular and svelte size 8, weighing in at 62kg. After years of sugar and inactivity I thrived suddenly on salad and workouts.
When a kid I visited my cousins - strong slim and tan they lived on fruit and salad, and were mercilessly pushed to exercise, juniour lifegaurds, surfing etc. What do they do now? Sit on their bums eating cake. In his youth my boyfriend was forced to do 'adventurers' and now has no interest in exercise whatsoever. I truly believe whatever is the norm in childhood you reverse as you get older, and theres the proof!
I know, I havnt made your job any easier. My recommendation? Let them eat cake! Im no good at discipline!
Comment by Candice
I totally agree with what you said, which is the main reason I decided to let her have some of the cake - to deprive her of it would have made it much more appealing!
They're great pieces of advice too, which I'll definitely take on board. I remember my sister used to give her niece frozen yoghurt instead of ice-cream, so opting for the 'better choice' could be the way to go too.
Comment by Candice
It's interesting to hear your story, and that's definitely something I'd be wary of. I think trying to strike some kind of balance is definitely the way to go.
I know my mum's theory with regard to good eating has always been to have a 'balanced diet.' We were always allowed desserts at home, ice-cream on holidays, treats at parties etc but it was also in moderation and there was plenty of healthy food in there too. I guess, personally, I'm the same now, and a healthy weight.
Thanks for your input, it's certainly given me something to think about.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I used to worry about my kids too but because I was so diligent in giving them fresh food everyday they do sometimes prefer it.
I generally don't have junk at home, and if I do it's hidden. They get excited when I buy watermelon, or strawberries.
I also introduced a healthy vs junk rule. They need to eat 3 healthy things before they get to each junk. Junk food is rice crackers or a nutella sandwich or milk arrowroots. Not really junk, well not as junky as some foods but they understand that they need to eat healthy foods.
I baked a chocolate cake on the weekend and I'm currently trying to teach my almost 6 year old that it is better to have a little bit of cake everyday then to scoff it all at once and have no treats for the rest of the week.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Candice
I like your three healthy to one 'junk' food rule. It's great your kids get excited over good fruits too. My daughter is always asking for strawberries, apples and bananas. Let's hope it stays that way! I remember enjoying scoffing summer fruits when I was camping as a kid. I still love them!
Maybe I should learn your lesson about the chocolate cake though - then I may not be so naughty with choccy myself - I can never eat just one square!