Sahail AshrafAre We Mollycoddling Our Children?
February 12th 2007 09:48
There was an article in The Age Good Weekend this Sunday that had me wondering what criticism parents will be facing next. This article actually accused parents of being too caring about their children. It wasn’t put in those words, of course, but it did use the term “over-parenting.”
Parents, it seems, are spending too much time with the kids, take them to too many activities and allow them too much free reign on the household space. Instead of ‘in the good old days’ when children were seen and not heard today’s parents are too worried about whether they’re doing a good job and don’t spend enough time without the children in tow.
Well, excuse me for being a terrible parent but I love to spend time with my daughter. In fact, call me crazy, but the reason I decided to have a child was because I actually wanted to have her in my life. Now, this is really nuts but I care about whether or not she’s happy and I’m not too keen on letting her break limbs because it teaches “resilience.”
It also seems fair enough to me that parents are worrying about whether they’re doing a good job or not. We live in small families in today’s society, in relatively isolated units. There are no constant parenting role models to gain knowledge from and when we have children of our own it’s often the first we discover about these small people.
Parenting needs to be learned as much as maths or science or english but this skill is not taught. Why criticize the use of parenting books and parent coaching classes when it’s all a lot of people have to go by? Why not look at the structure of society rather than add more uncertainty to parents’ hearts and minds?
Regardless of that, I actually like the current trend towards “over-parenting.” I like that I can take my daughter to a restaurant. I like that I can bring her on holiday with me. I like that her toys fill the empty spaces in the house. I like to see the world through her eyes. I like to give her experiences. I like to watch her grow and develop. I’m glad I was there to cheer her first steps. I’m glad that I’m there to hug her when she takes a fall. I’m glad I have the chance to instill confidence in her abilities and to let her know I love her. I’m glad I worry about how I’m doing as a parent because it means I’m alive and that I care about someone other than myself. Most of all, I love the new dimension my life has gained by her presence and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Parents, it seems, are spending too much time with the kids, take them to too many activities and allow them too much free reign on the household space. Instead of ‘in the good old days’ when children were seen and not heard today’s parents are too worried about whether they’re doing a good job and don’t spend enough time without the children in tow.
Well, excuse me for being a terrible parent but I love to spend time with my daughter. In fact, call me crazy, but the reason I decided to have a child was because I actually wanted to have her in my life. Now, this is really nuts but I care about whether or not she’s happy and I’m not too keen on letting her break limbs because it teaches “resilience.”
It also seems fair enough to me that parents are worrying about whether they’re doing a good job or not. We live in small families in today’s society, in relatively isolated units. There are no constant parenting role models to gain knowledge from and when we have children of our own it’s often the first we discover about these small people.
Parenting needs to be learned as much as maths or science or english but this skill is not taught. Why criticize the use of parenting books and parent coaching classes when it’s all a lot of people have to go by? Why not look at the structure of society rather than add more uncertainty to parents’ hearts and minds?
Regardless of that, I actually like the current trend towards “over-parenting.” I like that I can take my daughter to a restaurant. I like that I can bring her on holiday with me. I like that her toys fill the empty spaces in the house. I like to see the world through her eyes. I like to give her experiences. I like to watch her grow and develop. I’m glad I was there to cheer her first steps. I’m glad that I’m there to hug her when she takes a fall. I’m glad I have the chance to instill confidence in her abilities and to let her know I love her. I’m glad I worry about how I’m doing as a parent because it means I’m alive and that I care about someone other than myself. Most of all, I love the new dimension my life has gained by her presence and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
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Comment by Deorre
Stress Alive
Man Lessons
I say enjoy it while you can.
Comment by Candice
And I don't even want to think about my daughter going on dates, ahhhh!
Thanks for dropping by.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
There is a definite shift in parenting. Didn't read the article but I'm with you on this one.
My dad doesn't "know" me because he was one of those "children should be seen and not heard" faithfuls. Did wonders for our relationship.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
I'm with you all the way on this one. As time moves forward, things ultimately change, including the way that we bring up our children.
And I'd also like to reitterate your reply to Deorre ... daughters and dates, that's a scary thought.
A.
Comment by Candice
Yes, parents seem much more involved with their children these days. It's great that dads are much more a part of family life too. My hubby certainly is a thousand times more involved with my daughter than my dad was with me!
Hi Andrea,
It's interesting to see how things have changed recently with regard to parenting - things are different in so many ways now compared with our parents' generation.
I think my daughter will need a black belt in Karate before I let her leave the house with a boy LOL.
Comment by Tiff
I couldn't agree more!
Protecting, caring and spending time with my children seems like a natural instinct to me. So why go against that?
I also relate to your point about reading up on parenting.
Even if we have seen children being raised around us that doesn't mean everyone else is parenting how we would like to. Knowledge is power and, when it comes to being a mum, I'd like my choices to be as well informed as possible!
Comment by Candice
Thanks for visiting. You made some great points. I agree that the more we find out about parenting the more choices we have about the type of parents we'd like to be! Not the mention the guidance books give today. For example, if it wasn't for one book I read my daughter would still be waking several times during the night!